The squirrels are spreading the rumor: no more monkey business.

The Dow Jones hops up, then down, then back up, trying for attention,

           up against dog days.

The Capitol dome rattles like a witch doctor's gourd. “More Republicans,”

           warn the talking drums.

The networks labor underground to stockpile T, A, and blood capsules

           for Sweeps Week, when all hell won’t be enough to save some.

Pedestrians slip into light coats of pollen and mold spores.

The Enquirer reports the sighting of Satan's image over Chicago during

           the heat emergency. His words were, “For the hottest deals in town,

           see Sal at Mutto's Chevrolet on East Wacker.”

The old elms shrug: “You think this is hot: we could tell you about hot.”

Walmart and Kmart burgeon into crooked towers of back-to-school

           candy. They're heaven-bound, via the moon. Greeters offer

           themselves to the lowest common denominator. There's a Blue-

           Light on moon caps.       

Representatives from Tire City have announced they intend a hostile

           takeover and cleansing of their former territory, now known as

           Carpet City. Furniture City will not intervene.

The NFL’s negotiating for rights to the Baptist Church.

The carnies have packed up the Tilt-A-Whirl and Ferris wheel, leaving us

           up to our ass in free parking.

Everyone under 30 dreams of shoplifting some Air Jordans for school.

Everyone over 30 dreams of going to prison for shoplifting.

The hypochondriacs wake up noticing little dark spots in front of their

           eyes, think they could be in the middle of something serious.

“Winterize now,” say the prime-time commercials. “Spend, spend, spend!”

           cry the cicadas and katydids over the scorched, moonlit lawns.
 
By William Trowbridge.